Monday, August 23, 2004

Britney Spears: Huge Whore


bigkiss-thumb
Originally uploaded by MikeRoe.

OK, it's official: Britney Spears is a bigger whore than Christina Aguilera. Christina recently removed most of her body piercing. Also recently, Britney Spears, in an interview with Popword presenter Simon Amstell, when asked what the last thing she had in her mouth was, she replied "a dildo." Great role model for the kids, huh?

VH1.com : Best Week Ever : Blog

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Thanks, New York Times!

Alright, if you want to understand how the Bush administration is connected to these Swift Boat Veterans for "Truth," The New York Times has wrapped it all up in a nice pretty graphical picture for you!

http://graphics7.nytimes.com/images/2004/08/19/politics/campaign/20040820swift_graph.gif

Toogle Image Search

All I have to say is, this site is freakin' rad. Go put in something. An actor's name. A type of car. Then marvel at the results.

Toogle Image Search

Friday, August 20, 2004

Olympic Fever


olympics
Originally uploaded by MikeRoe.

Do you have Olympic fever? No? Me neither. Seriously, I have no idea how this stuff ends up the tops in the ratings. No one cares about these sports for four years, and suddenly they're the cat's pajamas? I tried watching this stuff the first full day, I really did. But come on, synchronized diving? That's a sport? Really? I don't think so.

Oh well, at least there's amateur wrestling and judo. Good stuff. Now someone just put our terrible team sport participants out of their misery.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Badger nonsense

Someone tried explaining this cartoon to me a while back. I blinked a few times, and thought "OK, even though it sounds like the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, maybe it's funny if you actually see it." Then I saw it. I then realized that my first instinct was right. This isn't funny. At all. Someone brought it up again tonight. Judge for yourselves whether I'm completely insane, or everyone else is.

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/21/

Saturday, August 14, 2004

The Olympics!



NBC is providing over 1,100 hours of coverage of the Olympics this year. So, if you love America, cancel your plans, quit your job, and find your couch's sweet spot, because you have some watchin' in store! Or, if you're sane, watch the highlights one of the zillions of times they are played. Bonus points for noticing signs of Bob Costas going slowly insane as he tries to fill all of that time for two freakin' weeks.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Back like a mack!

Ladies and gents, your Tap Out hosts are back from a well needed rest to deliver more of the insanity you've come to know and love! Where oh where could I be, you ask? I've got one word for you: DISNEYLAND~! A couple of pictures of Disney goodness for your perusal (I'm the one in the red Flash t-shirt!):

Splash Mountain:



More on the Disney trip, pop culture goodness, and this weekend's WWE SummerSlam pay-per-view coming soon!

Thursday, August 05, 2004

President Bush's blog!

The Onion is the world's leading source of fake news. And they bat about .900. Fairly consistently funny. They've really topped themselves this time, capturing the Internet's imagination with a spoof about President Bush having a blog. Someone took the article so seriously that they started up their own version of the blog discussed in the spoof article at the address mentioned, prezgeorgew.typepad.com. Pure genius. Enjoy!

The Onion | CIA Asks Bush To Discontinue Blog

What? What are you looking at?



Bjork has a new album coming out, with no instruments. And she's using her boobs to hypnotize you into buying it. That's the album cover, I swear to God. She's also apparently doing something crazy with her hair. It's like a hair mask. She's Hair Batman! Hairman? Hairwoman? Anyways, Bjork always finds away to give "quirky" a whole new meaning, and this album sounds like the latest step in that process.

Kerry and Bush give speeches, crooks rob banks

John Kerry and George W. Bush were in the same small town giving speeches as part of their campaigns. The cops were so busy protecting the candidates, three banks were robbed. Three of 'em. Nice job on "homeland security," guys.

Drew Curtis' FARK.com

It's ba-aaaack...



Critics hated it. Fans loved it. Family Guy is coming back, with new episodes airing on August 18th and 25th. This is one of my favorite guilty pleasures, and I can't wait. If you don't laugh at Family Guy, you're a snob. Oh it's true!

Drew Curtis' FARK.com: "Fox to air new episodes of Family Guy on August 18 and August 25"

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Hey, Remember The '90s?


thumb
Originally uploaded by MikeRoe.

Bill Clinton was on Letterman Tuesday night. As usual, he was pure gold. Funny. Smart. Sexy. Wait, did I just say that out loud? Umm.... hey, look over there! Whew, that was close. Anyways, great interview. I met him a few weeks ago at a book signing, talked with him briefly and shook his hand, which was great. I still haven't made much of a dent into his insanely sized book, but I will, I swear!

Martha Prison News!

I am still giddy with excitement over Martha Stewart being sent to prison. Here's the latest, from the National Enquirer, via Gawker. Enjoy!

Gawker: "[Martha Stewart] has been advised by friends to hire a hulking gay girl, the toughest in the prison population as her 'protector.'"

Outfoxed heading to the silver screen

The BBC is reporting that Outfoxed, a documentary on the mistruths spread by Fox News that initially went straight to DVD, is going to get a limited theatrical release! Sweet! I was supposed to go to a screening of this, but I spaced out worse than Bush before 9/11 and missed it. You can pick up the DVD over on Amazon, or look for the flick in a theater near you!

Inside the Actor's Studio with Mike Roe!

OK, you can all play at home! Go post your responses in the comments section, on your own blog, wherever. In any case, here is my attempt to answer James Lipton's (in)famous questions that he asks everybody to finish up his interviews on Inside the Actor's Studio:

What is your favorite word?
Rock!

What is your least favorite word?
Titty

What turns you on, creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Creatively: Being funny; Spiritually: My pastor's amazing sermons and Christian band Team Strike Force; Emotionally: Someone showing they care.

What turns you off?
Lack of intelligence.

What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Politics, journalism, wrestling announcing/managing/other work in the wrestling industry, movie industry, television industry, or music industry.

What profession would you not like to participate in?
Professional wrestler (I want to have a healthy body!)

What is your favorite curse word?
Bitches!

If Heaven exists what would you like to hear god say when you reach the pearly gates?
Thank you for serving me faithfully and making the world a better place.

Is Mike Roe gonna have to choke a bitch?

Dave Chappelle just renewed for 50 million dollars. That's for just two seasons. Two seasons. How is that possible? I think that I'm going to cry. Of course, Comedy Central might end up crying, as other Comedy Central hosts may end up making similar demands. Colin Quinn made threats to that effect on Tough Crowd tonight, and Jon Stewart could definitely hold the network over a barrel next time his contract comes up. I swear, I hate Hollywood. But I love it too. Thus my conflict.
chappelle
Originally uploaded by MikeRoe.

Mary-Kate: It's drugs!



Defamer reports that Star magazine and the Enquirer are knuckling under to lawyers and publicist making threats, and are moving Mary-Kate's coke use to the down low. I cry foul! Mary-Kate's coke use must continue to be documented! I want more pictures of her with headlines like "Anorexia? Yeah, right! She's a coke whore!"

First Roy, now girls!



A girl testified today that Disney's Tigger molested her! I mean, the rabbit I'd understand, because he always looked like he was up to something. Even Piglet, with those shifty eyes. But Tigger? Shocking!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Political quiz: Iz yoo smahrt?



Those wiseguys at the Columbia Journalism Review think you're stupid. They think you can't answer these questions. Hey, they think that I can't answer these questions! Oh yeah? Well it's on baby, it's on!

CJR Campaign Desk Home: "1) In what magazine were the Bush twins recently featured wearing formal gowns?

Vanity Fair, bitches!

2) John Kerry wants to increase the minimum wage to what level?

Uhhhh... Ummmm... 8.20? I just made that up.


3) Who is Washingtonienne, and what is her real name?

She was involved in a sex scandal, which she detailed in lurid detail via her blog. And her name... Uh... Er... Mm... Jessica. Jessica... Keats.

4) By how much do Kerry and Edwards say they will reduce the federal budget deficit?

I'll go with, to zero. They'll get rid of it.

5) What did Wolf Blitzer need to apologize for shortly after John Kerry's acceptance speech and subsequent celebration at the Democratic convention?

Wolfy had to apologize for the convention's producer's audio accidentally going over the air, yelling about the fact that balloons weren't falling and uttering the F word in his no-balloon rant.

6) President Bush's 'No Child Left Behind' initiative calls for the testing of every child in which grades?

K through 12.

7) Which daughter-of-a-candidate showed up at the Cannes film festival in a see-through black dress?

Alexandra Kerry! I know that one! That dirty, dirty girl.

8) How do Bush and Kerry differ on how to implement the Sept. 11 Commission's recommendation for the creation of a national intelligence director?

Kerry thinks that it should be a cabinet level position, while President Bush says it should be outside the White House.

9) Which Hollywood celebrity and Beantown native was considered 'ubiquitous' last week in Boston?

Ben Affleck. That guy loves those TV cameras. Or movie cameras. Or digital cameras. Or, really, anything that will look at him.

10) How many jobs have been gained or lost during Bush's time in office?

The cumulative total says that Bush has lost us one million jobs.

OK, let's see what the real answers are:

1) It was Vogue! Darn it.

2) Kerry wants it upped to 7 bucks an hour, from 5.15. I guess I'm spoiled by living in Washington state, where we already have a minimum wage that I think is over seven bucks.

3) Washingtonienne is Jessica Cutler. I was right about the blog thing, and her first name. I guess I shouldn't have just inserted a random poet for the last time.

4) Kerry and Edwards say they will reduce the federal budget by half. Well, I was only, er, half off.

5) I was RIGHT about Blitzer's apology! Yay!

6) No Child Left Behind only tests grades three through eight. D'oh!

7) Right again about Alexandra Kerry! Love that!

8) Right again about the new national intelligence directo!

9) Affleck makes three in a row!

10) OK, one point one million jobs have been lost. Close enough. I'm counting that one, darn it. 1.8 million private sector jobs were lost, with 700,000 public sector jobs added.

So, I ended up with four questions correct. They say you're a moron if you got three or less right. They also say that you should be more concerned with knowing the even questions, because they're on the issues that "matter." The other ones are a bit more trivial, so they recommend you finding a new way to get your news if you know just those ones. Hey, screw you, I'll get my news the way I want to get it! *wins*

Monday, August 02, 2004

God bless Wonkette



Wonkette is MTV's latest reporter, covering the election stuff this year. You can check out her fantastic blog on Washington, DC gossip, or keep an eye out for her on MTV. Oh yeah, and she's cute. Too bad most of her blog is about anal sex. OK, just kidding, kind of, but she does mention it an awful lot... And her gay assistant (no, really, he's gay!) isn't nearly as entertaining, so avoid posts marked "BOIFROMTROY." I mean come on, anyone who spells boy like that is probably pretty dumb in the first place. Just look at Avril Lavigne.

stereogum: rock & roll watercooler: "...she is wearing... Converse sneakers.

'If terrorists attack, I'll be able to run out of the building,' Cox says. 'Surviving a terrorist attack is the new black.'"

MTV Video of the Year

Here are the nominees for MTV video of the year:

* D-12 'My Band'
* Jay-Z '99 Problems'
* Outkast 'Hey Ya'
* Britney Spears 'Toxic'
* Usher f/ Lil' Jon & Ludicris 'Yeah"

D-12 is funny, Usher can dance, and Britney's constant grabbing of her own boobs is good television, but I think this really comes down to Jay-Z and Outkast. I'm slightly in favor of Outkast, because it's an incredible video visually, it's fun, and it's a great song, while "99 Problems" is a bit overly dramatic, but they're both solid. I'm sure you'll be hearing more from me on this as the awards approach later this month. Mostly me mercilessly mocking them, but hey, that's what blogs are for, right?

Tom and Jamie, sitting in a tree...



That's the cover of the latest Entertainment Weekly. Is there a way for Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx to possibly look any gayer? I feel like I just got done looking at an Abercrombie ad.

Jessi Klein: Hot, smart, and funny? Love that!



I simply don't have enough good things to say about Jessi Klein. She's been named one of Time Out New York's "Top 10 Comics We Never Get Tired Of," she's won the Emerging Comics of NY award for Best Female Stand-Up, she's appeared on Premium Blend, she's a Comedy Central network executive, she was named Rolling Stone's Hot List's Hot Funny Girl, she's appeared on Tody, CNN, and CNBC, she's working on a one-woman show, and she's on the best TV show ever, Best Week Ever! She's a genius, graduating from Vassar College. Heck, she went to college, unlike most lame celebrities. Oh, and did I mention that she's incredibly hot? Jessi Klein quote of the day: "Every time I hear [Secretary of Defense Donald] Rumsfeld's voice, I get very horny and lonely–nothing has driven my sex drive more than he and [Attorney General John] Ashcroft." Insane and intelligent = My latest celebrity crush!

Democrats say yay for God!



I've spotted a new trend. It seems that many Democratic leaders have kept their religious faith a bit quieter than their conservative rivals. However, from John Kerry to Barack Obama, faith has become a big issue in this year's election. Will this trend continue? Does it have an impact on the future of the party? Does God think a name like "Obama" sounds kind of weird? In any case, some Kerry quotes illustrating my point:


Yahoo! News - Kerry Talks Openly About Faith and Guns
: "We're running to be lay leaders, but there isn't any way that you're not affected by your fundamental values, the faith that brings you to the table," Kerry said Sunday to worshippers at Greater Grace Temple in the heart of the presidential campaign battleground in Ohio.

...

"I don't wear my own faith on my sleeve, but faith has given me values and hope to live by, from Vietnam to this day, from Sunday to Sunday," Kerry said as he accepted the Democratic presidential nomination Thursday.

...

Kerry's talk of God also could help him shore up part of his base, especially as he spends his Sundays worshipping at largely black churches. Sunday, Kerry told the mostly black congregation at the non-denominational Greater Grace Temple that he and Edwards, who lost his son in a car accident, survived personal tragedy through faith in God.

"I was at war, lost some of my best friends, those I grew up with and those I fought with," Kerry said. "And I sort of questioned, why does this happen, why did this happen, what's going on? We all question. And we learn that even though suffering, through loss, we get in touch with power, with the being, with the almighty."

Even among the scientists and technicians at Florida's Kennedy Space Center, Kerry paid tribute Monday to "the higher power."

"More physicists and more and more scientists, the more they learn in some ways the less they know about some things and the more they believe in that power," Kerry said.

Kerry tries to distinguish himself from President Bush on religion. On CBS' "Face the Nation" program broadcast Sunday, Kerry said Bush occasionally has crossed a line between church and state, although he said he doesn't know if it's intentional or inadvertent.

"I'm Christian, I'm Catholic, it's important to me," Kerry said. "It has served me through my whole life. But as I said in my (convention) speech, I'm not going to say God is on my side and I'm not going to go out and divide people. I want to pray that we are on God's side."

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Ilana Wexler





Ilana Wexler is my hero. This kid spoke at the Democratic National Convention and leads the Kids For Kerry organization, and she's only twelve years old. Her coworkers reportedly call her "48," because they figure, based on her age, she'll be the 48th president.

Organization isn't a bad thing

LiberalOasis (Quoting Howard Dean): "[Democrats always make] the following joke... 'I belong to no organized party, I'm a Democrat.'

And everybody always laughs.

And if we keep laughing at that, we're going to laugh ourselves right out of existence.

The way the Republicans beat us, is years ago they started to make sure that somebody ran for the school board, and somebody ran for county commissioner, and somebody ran for every single office that you can think of...

...And we didn't do that."

Coming soon: Mike Roe for Dog Catcher!

Ryan Seacrest, don't leave me!



Sad, but true: Ryan Seacrest's "On Air with Ryan Seacrest" was canceled earlier this week. I know you're crushed. So was I. Take comfort, though: only five more months until American Idol 4! I know, "only" isn't a word to be used when talking about time away from your loved ones, especially when that loved one is Ryan Seacrest, but have faith, little ones. Have faith.

On Air With Ryan Seacrest: 2004-2004.